Why Mark Twain Should've Written his Language Treatise on French...

Just as I'm finally starting to get comfortable in German, I'm starting all over with a new language: French. While in theory I am quite excited to learn the language of Hugo and Saint-Exupéry, in practice pronouncing even the simplest phrase in French is impossible.

For those readers who have not had the privilege of studying French at some point in their education, allow me to provide an example (those of you who have studied French will know exactly what I mean):

Madame C [in French]: Could you please read this line?

Me [trying to muster up all my breath so I can speak through my nose]: Non, je ne regrette rien...

Madame C [in French]: Stop! Stop! Les voyelles, les voyelles! You have to pronounce the vowels properly! Repeat after me: Non!

Me [in something I think sounds like French]: Nahn!

Madame C: Non! Try it again!

Me: Naohhn...

This can go on about four or five times for every other word in a sentence, leaving one at the end with the feeling that one needs to go home and soak one's throat in a nice hot bath of tea after class simply to relax it after so much strain. A rather far cry from the grandiose visions of speaking fluent French to high-ranking officials with which our professors present us daily.

In all seriousness, though, I have been extremely impressed at the quality of language instruction at the Diplomatic Academy--the professors teach their respective tongues with the assumption that we will actually someday need to use them in a practical setting. In honor of them and in the spirit of my current francophone obsession, I would like to leave you with this classic gem that we watched in French class today from, you guessed it, Edith Piaf: